“Lost twins” and how they can impact your relationships
Since I’ve posted my first article about lost twins, I’ve noticed that the topic keeps popping up for a lot of people lately, so I wanted to share more about my personal story and how the loss of a twin in the womb can impact your relationships, especially the one with your partner, but also with friends or business partners.
It was back in 2006 or 2007 that I learnt about this phenomenon of “vanished” or “lost twins”, when I went to a kinesiologist for the very first time.
Finding out that there might have been someone with me in the womb who had disappeared and left me behind felt like a light bulb was turned back on.
Things that hadn’t made sense until then finally fell into place. It explained many of my (at best) quirky or (at worst) obsessive behaviors and anxieties, like buying things in bulk or having inexplicable fears of being poisoned or dying in my sleep.
Of course, my wonderful rational mind was struggling to understand. It made sense on an emotional level. I could feel the truth in my body, but I had no proof other than certain signs and symptoms that are said to be common among “wombtwin survivors”. (To find out more, read my first article here)
So I felt the need to do more research and found out about Althea Hayton, one of the pioneers on this topic.
Back in 2007, I connected with her and other wombtwin survivors in order to find out more about why I felt so lost and disconnected in this world, why I felt like I couldn’t enjoy myself and my life and how it was possible to have had a twin and nobody was aware of it.
I finally felt relief that there were others who had had similar experiences and understood what I was talking about.
But it wasn’t until I came across Damien Wynne and his Light Grids energy work in 2014 that I could really make peace with it all. The loss of a twin occurs at such an early stage in life that there’s no conscious memory – but our body is amazing: it remembers.
The memory is stored in our cells and it will respond to certain triggers. And also our genetic family system will give signs if someone is missing.
So any last doubt finally vanished when I was at one of Damien Wynne’s workshops and we made space for the lost twins to be acknowledged and to take their rightful place in the family system.
Having been so close in the womb, we had exchanged a lot of information and energy, which made it hard to know who I am – handing back all of this information and reclaiming mine made things so much clearer.
Of course, this also brought up a lot of emotions but they just needed to come up and out. And I finally understood why they were there.
Since then I trust my perception. I know deep in my heart that we are always connected, because I can feel it.
I know that my siblings (I have more than one that vanished in the womb) are separate from me and this helped me get a clearer understanding of who I am.
I know now that the experience of this loss allowed me to make certain experiences of feeling lost and lonely in life and that I could shift this by becoming conscious about it.
I know that they didn’t want to be born, so I could let go of the guilt of being the only survivor. And I know that they are a bridge between me and the non-physical.
They step forward whenever I need guidance and especially whenever I support clients who reconnect with their lost twins.
Since I’ve been working with clients on this topic, I’ve also come to see certain patterns repeatedly that are quite common among wombtwin survivors, but seem inexplicable to them while they’re not aware of this loss.
A lot of the time they feel like they don’t know who they are. It’s hard for them to make decisions and stick with them.
Quite often they feel like they are stuck in a loop of despair and misery. They can’t really enjoy themselves, no matter how hard they try, and just want to get “out of there” but don’t find a way out.
What they are not aware of is that they keep recreating their experience of the loss with friends, relationship or business partners and are looking for a way “out of the womb”.
For example, they jump into friendships or relationships, looking for this special bond and deep intimacy. It feels good at the beginning, until the other person starts to feel overwhelmed and retreats.
Then the confusion and misery start. The withdrawal of the other person can feel very painful and overwhelming. Even if they are aware that feeling this devastated doesn’t make any sense on a rational level, the body and the whole system is simply reacting to the loss that happened “again”.
Usually the twin in the womb slowly pulled back and died – he or she didn’t react any more to your touch or communication and left you alone in the womb.
So when a friend pulls back for no obvious reason or a partner suddenly leaves, it can trigger this trauma and leave you confused, hurt, sad or angry.
Another thing that can occur is that people recreate the coziness they experienced together with their twin in the womb with their romantic partner.
They enter into relationships that can be full of passion and depth in the beginning (representing the deep connection with the twin), but at some point they realize that they have started to live like brother and sister.
There’s no spark, no sex, but they also feel like they can’t live without each other – which makes it even more confusing: Should they stay or should they go?
Don’t panic, if this sounds familiar to you. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your partner are not a good fit. It simply needs awareness for what’s going on underneath the surface to bring in more clarity.
When I support my clients I open up a space for what’s going on subconsciously, and when there’s an indication of a lost twin I invite him or her to step forward.
Sometimes there were even triplets, quadruplets or more in the womb. And usually simply feeling their presence will already bring a sense of relief and inner knowing.
We invite them back to into the family system – and once they are seen and acknowledged, the whole system will shift.
We also take time to get to know them. We allow all of the feelings to come up. We honor the twin and all of the lessons connected to this loss. And we open up a space for all of the gifts of this intimate connection to come back.
You already experienced this deep connection you were looking for. It was real and it still exists. You can invite it back into your life and therefore you don’t need to search for it or protect yourself from rejection any longer.
You can integrate this knowing into your life and relationships and be amazed by how more love, joy and ease this will finally bring.
If reading this article gave you the feeling that you might not have been alone in the womb and you have any questions, please feel free to email me.
You can are also more than welcome to book a free Connection Call to have a chat, get to know me and ask me anything about me and my work.
If you’d like to go deeper and you feel drawn to me and the way I work, you can go ahead and book a private session. I’d love to hold space for you as you reconnect with your lost twin(s).
There are also great resources available on- and offline to explore this topic further. I just want to name Althea Hayton, because she was one of the pioneers, who started to research this topic around 2005.
Her books were amazing support to me, when I started to find out about my lost twins and I happily contributed to her research back then. She has written great books and there are lots of valuable resources on her website.